Michelle Sweet
Adoption
I was very young when many things in my life changed for the good and bad. Have you ever felt like everything was your fault? You were not loved or wanted by anyone? At 5 years of age, I was taken away from everyone and everything I knew. Some of these included: school, home, friends, and family. I had moved around and around for approximately 3 years in and out. I wondered if I was every going to have a, “forever home”. Would anyone ever love me or want me to be theirs?
I can remember feeling so many different things. My emotions were everywhere all the time. I did not know how to pray, but I did every day. Well in this instance, it was more like I begged to feel wanted and loved by someone. After so many years of physical, sexual, emotional, mental, spiritual, and verbal abuse (from biological and foster homes) the state found us a home with someone whom wanted to adopt my sister and I. Come to find out it wasn’t for the love of me, it was more of a packaged deal with money and connections involved. You couldn’t have one without the other. I turned out to be the “other”. Not only had I felt it, but knew it as well. The mom of the family that was going to take us worked for SRS (CPS in Texas). I cannot go into too much detail (quit personal) but I got treated a lot differently than everyone else.
My adoptive parents had lied to the agency, my biological parents and I. I still remember my 1st day there. Pardon my French but the 1st day of my new home was like heaven and hell. Everyone came out and got the luggage of my sister, but I was scared to go in. I could feel I was not wanted so I sat there while everyone left me there. It had been about 3 hours before anyone even realized I was still in the SRS worker’s car, (feel the love?). I felt like nobody understood what I was going through (and they didn’t). Honestly, nobody even took the time out to truly get to know me as a person. I was automatically considered, “the bad one” or “the troubled one”, so no chances were given to me. I completely shut down the walls all around me. How are you supposed to feel being singled out and talked about? When I finally got settled in I went to a public school the 1st year. After that year, I went to a private school which I absolutely loved it and will never forget it. I had some nuns for teachers, but not all of them were and loved it. I remembered Sister Connie and Sister Frances the most out of all the nuns. Sister Connie was the sweet short nun while sister Frances was the taller but not so sweet nun. They were both great people. I made new friends at my new school. I got to play with real toys, and have sleep overs. I got to play sports, and do things I never got to do before. Everything was new! I was very scared, but excited overall. Although I did not know how to handle this situation; I finally had some stability in my life.
While everyone else in the family took trips and vacations… I was sent to camps and strict respite homes where I knew nobody. I did however get to attend 3 vacations which were to: Disney World, Santa’s Village, and The Great Escape. They were so much fun. I had so many questions. I was young and did not completely understand what was going on; even though I knew more than most children not going through this.
After several years I learned a lot, but still did not feel the way a child should feel in a proper living situation. I have not always made the best decisions, but they were made due to the current circumstances at hand. So at the present moment in time they were what was best for me. I may never have had the closer I needed and longed for. Let’s just say… All I have in this world to this day is my biological sister and my children. The years went by as good and bad times kept coming like that of a roller coaster. I learned a lot of lessons, but none more important than being grateful to have better life than what I did before.